you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
