I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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