well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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