he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
