3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
