this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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