I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
