Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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