My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
