walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
