you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
