I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
God, I missed his penis.
His nipple licking is glorious
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