The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize