Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
