hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
