i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
