so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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