i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
