Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The struggles of a small town man whore
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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