you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
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We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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