I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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