You're so nebulous sometimes
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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