It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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