Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
do nipples grow back?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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