dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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