there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
