you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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