she was so not down for the gang bang
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Less talking, more tequila
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
