In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
