Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
