I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
