Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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