whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
