My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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