How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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