Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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