He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
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Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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