My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i think i just lost a toe
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
