I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
