thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
