I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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