My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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