you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
