You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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