I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
