Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
