I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
