omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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