She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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