My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
