I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
