My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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