I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
