I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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