Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
