Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
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Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
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You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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