I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
