I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
