dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
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You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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