the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
