I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We need to get me chipped asap
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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