She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I love you. Go after that dick
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
