we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
pray to the hookup gods
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
