I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
