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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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