the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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