Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
This house was built for laser tag.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
